Rod Black and Leo Rautins.

The following is an e-mail I received on October 22nd, 2003 at 4:54 pm.

I will not disclose the name of the author.


Hey guys, I have a funny story for you.

I recently started working as a doorman at a club in downtown Toronto called "Up". It attracts a bit of an older crowd and sometimes the odd local celebrity drops in for a drink. Such was the case last Friday night. I was working in the back of the club when who should walk up and ask me where the washroom was but Leo Rautins. At first I didn't recognize him, but when I did I said "Leo Rautins", he then turned and said "Hey, How's it goin' buddy".

For those of those unfamiliar with Canadian basketball, Leo was the first Canadian drafted to the NBA, in the first round of the 1983 draft and went on to a short NBA playing career with the 76ers and the Hawks. Currently Leo works with CTV Sportsnet and has adhered himself to Toronto basketball fans by providing excellent and often humorous color commentary for the Raptors games.


After Leo used the washroom he returned to the other side of the club. As I continued to keep an eye on things in my area I chuckled to myself and thought how I could tell my friends who enjoyed Leo's work, thinking this was the last I would see of the the former collegiate all-american.

Nearing the end of the night I was excited to see the 6'9" Rautins return to my part of the club, with another friend and two lady friends, and sit a table in the back corner. It was not till it was time for everyone to leave when things got quite humorous.

Until the lights were turned on at the end of the night I did not recognize who Leo's friend was. But when they got up to leave I realized it was none other than Leo's broadcasting partner, CTV's own Rod Black, one of the most highly regarded journalists in this country. I think they had just finished working a preseason Raptors game.

It then became apparent that both Leo and Rod had been drinking quite heavily.
As Rod headed for the washroom, I seized the opportunity to tell Leo what a fan I was of his. He shook my hand and said thanks buddy. His ladyfriend then turned to Leo and said that's the guy that told me not to go into the DJ's booth (which I had done earlier). Leo apparently would not stand for this type of talk from his date. He said "Easy woman. Easy. Don't make Leo slap you around again. Don't make Leo lay another beating on you. Don't make me call my friend Kobe". It was nice to know that I had not only Leo Rautin's back on this one, but also Kobe Bryant's.

My attention was then quickly drawn to the washroom where Rod Black was stumbling out and leaning against the door. At that point the 5-time Gemini Award nominee turned to us and quipped, "I'm fucked, I'm totally fucked". It was true, Rod was thoroughly fucked. His degree of drunkiness was apparent by his inability to walk.

At that point in the night Rod, Leo and friends started to head out of the club, but to get out you must pass the lounge which is equipped with a bed. As they passed the bed Leo grabbed Rod and threw him onto the bed. He then proceeded to jump on Rod "hump" him. The sight of the former NBAer dry humping the distinguished broadcaster made myself and the other doormen laugh quite heartily. Rod seemed to enjoy it for a second as he chuckled sheepishly, but then decided that it was neither the time nor the place for that type of "play by play", so he rose from the bed and stumbled towards the exit. Leo, unsatisfied and unimpressed with his broadcasting partners reluctance to get it on said, "Is that it? Is that all I get? No wonder they call you the minute man. Uncle Ben!" With that Leo and his date exitted the bar, leaving me to wonder how I would ever capture the hilarity that just happened when I told this story.

The next morning I turned on the TV to CTV and saw Rod Black in a commercial for the Christian Children's Fund. As he held a needy child I couldn't help but think "I'm fucked, I'm totally fucked."