Lawyer Gets Feces Face Wash

From the National Post.

10news.com reports on an accused who smeared the face of his public defender with human feces during trial. The man then flung a bag full of excrement at the jury forcing a mistrial. Apparently, Weusi McGowan, on trial for allegely taking part in a home invasion, was angry that the court would not remove Deputy Alternate Public Defender Jeffrey Martin as his attorney.

According to 10 news.com "At the mid-morning break, McGowan produced a plastic baggie filled with fecal matter and spread it on Martin's hair and face, then flung the excrement toward the jury box, hitting the briefcase of juror No. 9 but missing the juror himself."

After dismissing the jury, the judge ordered a new lawyer for McGowan and then raised McGowan's bail $250,000 to $1 million on the basis that McGowan was a danger to the community.



Weusi McGowan was on trial for assaulting a man with a rock in a sock and stealing his car. McGowan was arrested twenty minutes after the incident in what the mainstream media have dubbed, “Rock’em Sock’em Robbery.” His trial for the year old incident began without much fuss, except for a denied request for self representation and another denied request for a change in representation. The denials did not sit well; it caused a deep rumbling in his belly and out came a most unexpected result.

McGowan was upset by the unheeded request for self representation, and in addition, he had differences with his lawyer, Jeffery Martin, Deputy Alternate Public Defender. Weusi decided, in a calculated gesture of extreme brutality, to rub a handful of excrement on his lawyer’s hair and face. Weusi flung the remainder at the jury box, splattering Juror #9’s briefcase.

The Zany Zany World’s court reporter Lubomir Loebnovsky sat down with the unapologetic shit smearer Weusi McGowan for an exclusive interview.

LL: Why did you do it?
WM: I always though Martin was a shitty lawyer. Now I know for sure. (Laughs)

LL: What about Juror #9?
WM: I had no intention of targeting him but, you know, ‘shit happens.’

LL: Did you know about the briefcase?
WM: Awww shit!

LL: What could have been done to avoid this fecal outcome?
WM: If I was allowed to speak in my own defense. That’s all I wanted. Who knows if my arguments to the jury would have been refined. But one thing is for sure: it would have saved Mr. Martin a shampooing.

LL: Do you blame the judge at all?
WM: Yes! The Blood is on his hands. The shit is too!

LL: Better get some Purell. But seriously, as a victim of the Soviet legal system I too know the sting of a repressive and corrupt legal system. I have seen many men shit in their pants just to get a sniff of respect from the high minded litigious oligarchs who controlled their futures. I have seen the smear of injustice on the soul of humanity. I have wiped clean the notion that one shitty day should mean a lifetime of shitty-ness.
WM: Okay. Okay. Whatever man. Just calm down.



LL: Sorry. What do you think your actions tell them world about who you really are?
WM: My actions were a valiant protest against the irrational imbroglio in which I found himself snared. Like Joseph K., the unlikely victim of bureaucracy in Franz Kafka’s The Trial, I’m simply at odds with my surroundings: an innocent victim of a backwards system, pushed deeper and deeper into a childlike state of wonderment, forcing me to act out. And since the court had taken my second last instrument of self expression, my voice, I had to rely on a more primal, a more natural medium of communication. My demonstration reeks of a poetry that is more profound than the slightest whimper of sound, no matter what body part produced it.

LL: What do you mean?
WM: How can a court of law silence a man, and give his voice over to a deputy alternate public defender and not expect him to find another vehicle for self expression? How can a man, gagged and struggling for his last chance at liberty, acquiesce in the face of oppression?

LL: Now I get it. What do you want to happen next?
WM: I urge my supporters everywhere to hold a candle light vigil demanding my immediate release. History will look back on this event and it will be agreed, the truth is Justice is not only blind, she stinks too.

LL: Well put. Thank you for speaking to me.
WM: My pleasure. But before we end this, I have a joke for you. Knock knock!
LL: Who’s there?
WM: Sorry.
LL: Sorry who?
WM: Sorry! But I’m going to smear shit on your face. (Proceeds to smear shit on Lubomir’s face.)
LL: Hahahaha! You got me there. I better go clean up.