There is a very serious problem in Canada right now. It’s a problem so sad and disgusting that it must be resolved immediately. The problem comes to us from our very own government. Our government is a government which has destroyed the trust of its citizens; a government, which has littered newspapers, television, radio and even the internet with pathetic scandals; a government which has alienated the common Canadian it pursuit of its own interests.

The issue with our government stems from an easily identifiable source. Simply put, government is no longer run as a government, but rather, as a business. Long gone are the days when Canada was represented by “we the people.” Instead of looking ahead thirty years, we have our politicians, our representation, looking ahead four years, or until their next election. To no surprise, this has caused an ocean of turmoil both in and out of Ottawa. Instead of helping each other for the benefit of our great nation, everyone is disagreeing with one another, or insulting one another, or suing one another. Anytime the question period comes on C-SPAN, I begin to cry like a small child, in the corner of the room, curled up in the foetal position. It’s difficult to imagine that this indecisive, scattered, confrontational school of sharks governs this country. Ultimately, what can you expected when you pack a room full of lawyers and tell them to run a country.

Obviously, we Canadians are drowning in our own swimming pool. We are trapped in a stalemate. Our economy is weak due to a lack of confidence. Sure the loonie is the highest it’s been in years, but our neighbour to the south has the same problem we do, so eighty cents to the dollar means nothing to me. Young Canadians are leaving is very large numbers. They’re going to Europe, to Australia, to the States. Understandably so: they don’t want the burden of the labour crisis that will upon us in ten or fifteen years. Canada’s future looks about as safe as one of our pre-historic Sea Kings.

It’s too bad. Canada should be one of the most, if not, the most prosperous and socially stable country in world. There is an infinite amount of natural resources. We have a great social service system which hasn’t quite reached its potential yet. There is an overwhelming amount of open land for our population to expand, unless of course you live in select areas of Vancouver, Montreal, or Toronto. Where else on earth can you find a country like this? Russia? Perhaps, but they have worse political problems than we do. Greenland? I’m not exactly sure they have a government. Brazil? Okay, maybe Brazil, but it’s way too hot there. The point is that there potential in the great white north to be the global frontrunner in the 21st century.

To achieve this potential Canadians lead a leader: a leader that Canadians respect. Canadians need someone who’s very name or presence can lift their spirits and feel proud to be Canadian. Canadians need a leader who understands the trials and tribulations of both urban and rural life. Canada needs a leader who is respected in by all of the cultures which contribute to the melting pot. We need the greatest ambassador of Canada to ever live.

Canada needs Wayne Gretzky.

Wayne Gretzky is a born winner and has remained so to this very day. “The Great One” earned his nickname by dominating the NHL and our hearts for over twenty years. Gretzky puts his heart and soul into everything he does. His confidence is only exceeded by his exuberance (whatever that means). On top of everything else, Wayne Gretzky loves the truth north, strong and free.

In June of 2000, Gretzky received an honorary doctorate of law degree from the University of Alberta in Edmonton. Luckily, this does not mean that he is a lawyer. It does mean, however, that he can silence critics who say that Gretzky has an insufficient educational background. One might also make a critique of Gretzky’s residence in the United States. Such critiques are ignorant and should be swallowed with a side of your won foot. Great Canadians such as Louis Riel, and Simon Fraser also spent considerable amounts of time in the United States, yet, are still considered to be as Canadian as those full body, red pyjama suits with the hatch in the rear that lumberjacks supposedly used to wear.

Gretz, buddy, come home and save us. Soon.